JOKES~ xDDDDDDD

Subject: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Thu Apr 10 2008, 18:17

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him

"Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex."

The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings.
First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it.
The man immediately says "sex".
Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as sex. Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which of course the patient identifies as "sex". The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient,

"Yes, I do believe t hat you have an obsession with sex."

To which the man replies,

"I'm not the one with the obsession! YOU'RE the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"~

Guest

AHAHAHAHAHHA bibi ur joke so FUNNY ~~~ WAUAKAKAKAKAKAA laugh die me=x

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 14:33

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned mathematician, the other a great philosopher and the other one is an idiot.

Since heaven was packed, St Paul summoned the three of them that there is a test for each of them. They are supposed to ask Satan a question each and if the Satan can answer them, they will have to go to Hell. A seemingly awkward filtration system to heaven, but heck, it works.

So the mathematician having thought of a way to fool Satan stood up and ask Satan to write out the most complicated mathematical formula. Satan snapped his finger and out churned 100 papers in which all the most complicated mathematical formula known to mankind was written and well printed. The mathematician was doomed and hung his head as he traverses the bridge to hell.

Next, came the philosopher, and he too thought that maybe Satan was great in maths, but poor in philosophy, hence he summoned Satan to write him the toughest philosophical statement in history. Satan took a whiz of a snap and out churned 100 papers filled with different types of complicated philosophy from different cultures and in different language. The philosopher too hung his head in dismay and walked towards Hell.

Then came the idiot. He thought for a while and asked for a stool. In that stool, he poked 7 holes, 2 holes in the first row, 3 in the second row and 2 more on the last row. He then sat on it and gave out a loud fart, turned to Satan and asked him, from which hole did the fart came out from. Satan looked at him and gave a quick answer, I think it's the 2nd hole from the left in the 2nd row.

The idiot laughed out loud and said, NO Satan, you're wrong this time. The fart came out from my ASSEHOLE!

The idiot walked happily to the Pearly Gates...

saw this joke somewhere from the net. xD

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 15:16

LOL! XOXO!

FKING NICE SIAL

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 16:21

lols. looks wordy tho. xD

Guest

LOL

No good joke is ever too wordy ^^.

It made me laugh really loud anyway.

=X

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 20:19

OOPS SORRY! THE ABOVE POST WAS ME.

Didn't realise I was in his account ><

Here's mine:

One day, there was a man who was lost in the desert with his camel. All he had was small rations of food and water.

After weeks in the desert, the man got "urge", u know, the natural man urge to have "fun".
The urge came on and on as the days went on.

So the man couldnt take it anymore, so he tried to do his camel.
The camel ran off, but eventually the man caught up.

His urges were gone.

A few days later the urge came back.
He tried to fark his camel again.

THe camel ran off very far again and the man finally found it on the side of a road. His urge were gone.

So the man got on his camel and was going to travel more, slowy the urge building up but he noticed a stranded car at the side of the road.

He approached the car and there was THREE HOT BIG BREASTED BLONDE CHICKS in the car.
The girls asked the man if he could fix their car and that they would do ANYTHING if the man fixed the car.

Luckily, the man knew a little bit on how to fix cars. So the man got to work and fixed the car.

After he was done, the THREE HOT BIG BREASTED BLONDE CHICKS asked him what he would like them to do.

The man said: "Can u hold my camel?"

WAHA~

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 20:20

LOL I REALLY LIKE THIS

MISUNDERSTANDING

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answered.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''Yes, what will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 667-5309?''

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Fri Apr 11 2008, 21:26

i like the camel one!!

oh my tian. he killed the wrong person~

rofl. nice nice.

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 01:47

this came from my memory so it might sound sorta broken.
here goes.

ONE FINE DAY~
there was 3 eggs in the fridge.

egg no.1 whispered something to egg no.2

egg 1 : eh eh, u look at egg no. 3~ GOT HAIR ONE LEH!
egg 2 : yea lo yea lo. eee. so hairy. ><

~~egg 3~~ kiwi : shadup la. wad u guys talking. LIMPEH IS KIWI! NOT EGG.

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 07:49

A lawyer and a blonde gal were sitting next to each other on the plane. The lawyer was bored, so he looked at the cute blonde and decided to ask her to play a game with him. She wasn't very enthusiastic, so the lawyer made her an irresistible offer-every time she couldn't answer his questions, she had to give him 5 bucks. And thinking he was damn smart, he said if he couldn't answer her questions, he would give her a hundred. She said, "OKAY". His first question was: "What's the distance from earth to the nearest star?" She looked at him, blinked her eyes. and gave him 5 bucks. Then it was her turn, so she asked: "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" He was stunned because he couldn't believe he couldn't answer the question. Frustrated, he finally exclaimed, "I give up!" Then he paid her a hundred dollars. As she was putting the money into her pocket, he asked, "So whats the answer to your question?" She looked at him, blinked, and gave him five bucks.

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 07:57

--1st_XOXO wrote:: this came from my memory so it might sound sorta broken.
here goes.

ONE FINE DAY~
there was 3 eggs in the fridge.

egg no.1 whispered something to egg no.2

egg 1 : eh eh, u look at egg no. 3~ GOT HAIR ONE LEH!
egg 2 : yea lo yea lo. eee. so hairy. ><

~~egg 3~~ kiwi : shadup la. wad u guys talking. LIMPEH IS KIWI! NOT EGG.

): i'm teh kiwi

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 08:01

Three dwarves go to the Guinness Book of Records headquarters, hoping to achieve some success in their difficult lives. They each have an unusual body feature.The first dwarf have extremely small feet. he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, exclaiming, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest feet!" The second dwarf has extremely small hands. So he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, saying, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest hands!" The third dwarf has an extremely small penis. Obviously, he's embarrassed, but he eventually plucks up his courage to walk into the office. He merges a while later looking disappointed and rages, " Who the hell is Daniel Ong?"

Lolz.. Here dun have Daniel Ong hor???? Whahahhaaahhha.........

Guest

--1st_RACH~ wrote:: Three dwarves go to the Guinness Book of Records headquarters, hoping to achieve some success in their difficult lives. They each have an unusual body feature.The first dwarf have extremely small feet. he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, exclaiming, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest feet!" The second dwarf has extremely small hands. So he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, saying, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest hands!" The third dwarf has an extremely small penis. Obviously, he's embarrassed, but he eventually plucks up his courage to walk into the office. He merges a while later looking disappointed and rages, " Who the hell is Daniel Ong?"

Lolz.. Here dun have Daniel Ong hor???? Whahahhaaahhha.........

y he say whu the hell is daniel ong???

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 09:01

Kaoz.. DANDAN... cos hor Daniel ong penis smaller then him.. so he can't get the worlds guiness record... LOLZ

Guest

--1st_RACH~ wrote:: Kaoz.. DANDAN... cos hor Daniel ong penis smaller then him.. so he can't get the worlds guiness record... LOLZ

okok~~! y daniel ong but not jack wong?

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 09:16

Anyway.. i duno who is Daniel Ong.. I copy from a book de... Heheheh lolz.. so i jus follow lor.. then hor hope here dun have members by the name of DANIEL ONG.... WHahhahahah.... If have, then im very sorry lor.. LOLZ...!!

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 18:51

--1st-KING-~ wrote:

--1st_XOXO wrote:: this came from my memory so it might sound sorta broken.
here goes.

ONE FINE DAY~
there was 3 eggs in the fridge.

egg no.1 whispered something to egg no.2

egg 1 : eh eh, u look at egg no. 3~ GOT HAIR ONE LEH!
egg 2 : yea lo yea lo. eee. so hairy. ><

~~egg 3~~ kiwi : shadup la. wad u guys talking. LIMPEH IS KIWI! NOT EGG.

): i'm teh kiwi

ROFLMAO. noooo nar!!
><

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Mon Apr 14 2008, 18:52

--1st_RACH~ wrote:: Three dwarves go to the Guinness Book of Records headquarters, hoping to achieve some success in their difficult lives. They each have an unusual body feature.The first dwarf have extremely small feet. he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, exclaiming, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest feet!" The second dwarf has extremely small hands. So he walks into the office, and returns soon after with a happy smile, saying, "Yes! It's official; I have the world's smallest hands!" The third dwarf has an extremely small penis. Obviously, he's embarrassed, but he eventually plucks up his courage to walk into the office. He merges a while later looking disappointed and rages, " Who the hell is Daniel Ong?"

Lolz.. Here dun have Daniel Ong hor???? Whahahhaaahhha.........

LOL LOL LOL!! poor fella ><

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Tue Apr 15 2008, 16:57

Husbands Nickname =D

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."

The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"

She frowned and said, "The postman."

"Why the postman?"

"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Tue Apr 15 2008, 16:58

LOL THIS IS REAL FUNNY!

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,

"My God...."

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Tue Apr 15 2008, 20:16

--1st-DELI-- wrote:: LOL THIS IS REAL FUNNY!

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,

"My God...."

LOL!! GOD SIA~

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Tue Apr 15 2008, 23:27

--1st-DELI-- wrote:: LOL THIS IS REAL FUNNY!

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,

"My God...."

LOL... This is FUNNY!! WHahahhahaa

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Wed Apr 16 2008, 00:38

--1st_RACH~ wrote:

--1st-DELI-- wrote:: LOL THIS IS REAL FUNNY!

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,

"My God...."

LOL... This is FUNNY!! WHahahhahaa

LOL FRIGGIN" funny@!XD

Subject: Re: JOKES~ xDDDDDDD Wed Apr 16 2008, 00:45

FBI Job Interview

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two women and a man.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the woman to a large metal
door and handed her a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your husband sitting in a
chair.
. . Kill him!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my husband.' The
agent said, 'Then you're not the right one for this job. Take your husband
and go home.'

The second woman was given the same instructions. She took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The woman came out with
tears in her eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my husband.' The agent said,
'You don't have what it takes. Take your husband and go home.'

Finally, it was the man's turn. He was given the same instructions,
to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. There was screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from
his brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' he said. 'I had to beat her to
death with the chair.'

MORAL: Man are crazy. Don't mess with them.