JOKES~ xDDDDDDD

--1st_CooL- wrote:

*gasp*
thats not stealing..thats..inventory redistributing=O

LOL!!!!!
FINE~
HAHAHA :X~

ii kinda like ur joke xD

A blind man vists the state of Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

this isnt really funny.but for those of u who dont get it.he thot he fell into de toilet(everythings big there.remember?)

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

de term blind as a bat came into my mind right away=O

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

here were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."

The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

sry for being lame=O

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"

"That you kill me first."

(if u dont get de top one.de biker cant standde music so he req to be killed 1st=O)

During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.

We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza."

Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."

(shows how much he loves his dad.)

a american explorer was walking through the thick jungles of africa.as he arrived in a village, suddenly cannibals jumped him and tie him up/
he was brought up to the cheif and the cheif said something in wierd african language.Suddenly all the african cannibals started advancing.
He said 'oh god,im dead.'
Suddenly, A loud noise Boom Over Heaven.It Was God.He Said 'ur not dead Yet.take the stone infront of u and bash de cheif senseless with it'
The explorer did as he was told.And As the other cannibals look angry and walk towards him.he asked'what now'
God Said:'Now Ur Dead'.

OK.THATS ALL THE LAME JOKE II HAVE FOR THIS WEEKS...

WIFE V/S. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'




W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee..'
Husband
replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says..........'HEBREWS'



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ..' He left it where he knew she would find
it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to
discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
by
the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of con! tests.

God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

LOL!!!
NICE :X~
FUNNY :X~~